Hope this works

I had given up dieting. Working at losing with out actually losing was just too much to ask of me. My muscles hurt and were weak. There was just too much going on with out any answers. Lots of my symptoms pointed to hypothyroidism but the blood work didn't agree. So I threw in the white towel and gave up. Then one P.A. asked questions during a check up. She checked my thyroid one more time. I didn't hold my breath, I knew it was going to be normal,  because it's always normal. Then the phone call came, "your thyroid levels are too low please come in for another visit." It turns out that I have Hashimoto's Disease. Which is an autoimmune disease that attacks my thyroid gland. I am not surprised I have autoimmune disease, considering both of my sisters and 2 of my cousins have autoimmune disease. One thing the thyroid controls is metabolism. Go figure!!  So I have been medicated for 7 weeks now. I am going to start counting calories again, hoping and praying that this time I am able to lose. My muscles feel stronger and I have more energy. I feel like it's going to take some weight loss before I can feel normal. I can't help but feel nervous and scared that nothing will happen. But I wont know unless I give it a good honest shot.
I know calories in and calories out is the only way to be successful in the weight loss journey. And that is my plan.  But I also want to try one more thing and that is I want to try to get back to the basics in food. No prepared or possessed foods. All home made fresh ingredients.  I am someone who needs short term realistic goals. So for 7 days I am going to focus on preparing my meals and not hitting the drive through or having a quick fix dinner.
Breakfast and lunch are not usually an issue for me but dinner is. Mostly because I am so exhausted by the end of the day I just can't focus and move.  But like I said I have more energy and making dinner isn't as much of a chore any more.
Tonight dinner is salsa chicken! I haven't had salsa chicken in so long I am looking forward to it.
Wish me luck!!

My muscle woos

It's very difficult to lose weight right now. I am still going to keep plugging along. I wont give up on the battle against the bulge. But life has thrown me a curve ball. Lately I have been dealing with muscle issues. It's difficult to complain about mostly because to most it seems like diet and exercise would be the answer to this issue. But if only you could feel what I feel you would understand, this isn't normal and it's not an "out of shape" thing going on. It's different. I have been out of shape for a while. I know what sore muscles feel like after a work out. This is different. I always need more sleep. This is different. I don't know exactly how to explain it.
I went to the gym on Monday. I need to figure out ways to get me out of the house and to work on my weight. Gym seems like the easy solution to both (if I can find the time! time is a serious issue in my life) So I went. I decided when I got there to take it easy since my muscles were feeling weak and I was having the needles stabbing sensation. I just did simple step ups for cardio and used the lowest weight on machines, even when it felt too easy.  I was unable to do 20 reps in 1 minute of any machine and half way through the step ups I started to feel dizzy, overly sleepy, and weak. By the time I was ending my last step up session I was so fatigued my entire body was visibly shaking from the work out. I could hardly get my legs to preform the action I was demanding of them and my vision seemed to get hazy.  Last was the sit ups. I pretty much faked them and used the time to re coup from the 29 minute work out.
Now, like I said, I have been out of shape for a while. I know what sore muscles and fatigue form it feels like. And this my friends is different. I have weighed 20-25 lb heavier then I am now. I have felt a very sharp pain in my knees from walking as a result of how fat I was. I couldn't breath when I bent over. I would lose my breath just walking up the stairs. And yet when I decided to battle the bulge then I felt empowered after a work out. I felt strong and energized. I felt like I could concur this. I felt sore. But not like I do now. Now it's scary. I feel like my body is shutting down and wants to quit. I feel like there is no way I will make it home because I cannot get my body to do what I am commanding it to do. Almost like there is some lost communication going on. I imagine that the contestants on the biggest loser may be able to somewhat feel what I do after their very first work out with Jillian Michaels. After she pushes their bodies beyond what they thought was humanly possible. But don't forget I used the smallest amount of weights and did the simplest work out and only did it for 29 minutes. And I don't think I am quit near as over weight as some of those guys.
I am praying the God will give me strength to keep going. And the desire to keep eating healthy. And give the doctors wisdom to figure out what is going on. And that I can someday feel happy in my skin.

Dieting dilemma

So I went 5 weeks straight eating around 1200 calories a day. The first week I lost 4 pound and felt so encouraged. Then next week I gain a pound, don't know how or why. After that I continued to gain a pound a week until I found all 4 pounds I had lost. The frustration and caused me to back slide and give up counting. Yet not counting my calories and not exercising I haven't gained anymore then the 4 pounds I had lost and refound. It is so frustrating and I just don't think there is anyone out there who can fully understand what this is like for me. I watch all my skinny family members eat what ever they want and not or have health issues. Yet I smell what they eat and I gain and/or my BP goes up.  This really sucks. I blame myself. I think I am doing something wrong subconsciously.
Today I started the day off eating the wrong stuff. I ate pancakes and had 2 cups of coffee. I like to limit my coffee to 1 cup due to the 50 calories I like to add to it. I really wish I enjoyed black coffee.  But to make up  for my eating failures I did some stretches and a small arm work out. I need to exercise. My BP was high at my dr. appointment this week. But I am having fatigue issues and so my work outs need to be short and not to strenuous.
Here's to hoping.

I have been wanting to take a picture in the same outfit I was in on the first photo. I don't look so pregnant anymore :) Still fat though. I am down 6 pounds today WOOHOO!! I have bad days but I try not to let it get me down. I can't wait to get down to my size 10's I have so many clothes I can't wait to wear. My goal it to be able to wear some of those clothes this summer. I am thinking 4 more lbs and I will try them on again and see how it goes.

Down by 4

Here I am at 4 lbs loss. I am starting to tell some changes are going on. One I was afraid of last time but this time I know what it means and I am excited.

Day 5

Here is today's picture; day four of my newest beginning. I have been counting my calories and exercising and I think I am down 2 pounds. I wish I hadn't estimated my weight. But oh well I will just have to deal with it. I don't think I was even a pound off on my estimation. The only complaint I have is it's the end of the pay period and I am very low on healthy foods. The only reason we have healthy foods is because we went to store the other day to pick some up. Might have to take some money out of budget to set aside for and extra trip to store at the 1/2 way point to our next shopping trip. :)

New beginning #1769

This picture was take of me Saturday June 11, 2011. I look pregnant but I am not!!! I hate that I gain all my weight in my belly. I started to think about how the last several months I have been trying and trying to do things to lose weight and yet the pull of the sweets and over indulging keep winning. I just don't know where to go and what to do with this. Yesterday I had this new bright idea to blog my picture and take frequent pictures of myself to up load on to my blog. Just so I can see myself. Maybe when I lose five pounds (again for the millionth time in the last several months) I will see some thing change and it will inspire me since I can't seem to get inspired any other way at the moment. I know I hate how I look and I hate that I have high blood pressure and I hate that I have the cutest clothes in the world that I can't fit into. I can't decided if I will up load a picture everyday or every week we'll see what I do. Knowing me it will be sporadic.

It's a challenge

So I am working hard at being good. Doing some strength exercises every day. I did 2 sets of 10 push ups yesterday. Which is very good for me. A couple of days ago I could only do one set of 6. Last nigh we decided to eat out. Of course the skinny family (which is every one but me) wanted to have Panda. They are not in the ideal calorie range for me. I did good though I opted out of Panda and talked the hubby into stopping at Subway for me. I stayed with in my calorie guideline for the day. :) And even though I stole a bite of chow mien I felt very good about my choices for the day. Here i go again. Wish me luck.

Weight Loss Is An Emotional Roller Coaster

Well the title of this blog pretty much says it all. It's been awhile since I blogged. I haven't forgotten about it but when you do daycare in your home, well that really leaves time for pretty much nothing else. Even exercise and eating right. I often wondered how I gained so much weight running around caring for kids. Well here it is, you don't have time to make a well balanced meal that is filling and fills all of your health needs when you only get a split second to do it. And you think "Oh I will get that healthy meal in during nap time so let me grab a hand full of this to hold me over" HAHA yeah well that hand full of, what ever, is never healthy.
Well this weekend I was given an insight of why I started to go on this weight loss journey to begin with. I keep feeling dizzy. Mostly when I get up out of bed. I can't walk in a straight line and it takes me a minute to gain my grounds. I kept thinking that it was my inner ear again, but then I realized it was different. When it was my inner ear I would fall on the ground before I even realized that I was dizzy. This time it's pretty much I am feeling dizzy as I am getting up. Took me a few weeks to remember that high blood pressure can make you dizzy and that I used to get dizzy when I would stand up from sitting last time I was having blood pressure issues. So I got my B.P. cuff to check things out. My B.P. was high, very high! I was medicated when my B.P. was 130's over 100. This weekend my highest reading was 156/104. Yeah, I was a bit freaked out. I wanted to cry so bad but I kept telling myself "you did this to your self. You knew this was gonna happen."
So I am freaked out enough to start caring. I reread my Letter to Myself. And I am so glad I did. I almost think I should print it, frame it and hang it on the fridge. Today I am going to get back on that tread mill and start walking and work myself up to running again. I should make myself a count down to the D.C. Marine Corp marathon I plan to run in October 2012.
I know i can do this. I am stronger then I give myself credit for. I love the high I get from running. And I want to be back in my skinny clothes this summer.

Letter to myself

I can't find my CD of old picture and my heart is more into my weight today any way.

Dear Self,
Today is a new beginning. You have decided to take this into your own hands and you will succeed. You can do it. You have all the tools, you have all the knowledge. I want to remind you how far you have come......
You are 22 lbs. less then you were 3 years ago, however you are only down 20 lbs. from 2 years ago. Remember how happy the weight loss made you feel, how good your body felt, how much energy you had. Your knees, hips, and ankles didn't hurt. You felt like getting up and doing stuff. You were able to breath easier while doing activities. YOU WERE RUNNING!! Today you long to have all that back. Today your hips, knees and ankles hurt. You are sad every time you look at your self naked in the mirror. You don't want the stress of worrying about if the high blood pressure will come back, you hate that your mind wants to get stuff done but you don't have the energy. You remember being less cranky and irritable when you were lighter. Lets work hard to get that back.
Today you are doing great. I am very proud of you. You have been tracking and measuring your food intake. I know you can keep it up. It's not as hard as it seems. When you track you realize it's pretty easy and you actually get full on smaller amounts of food. Try to remember this and hold on to it. You know your Levi's? I want to remind you of the day you put them on straight from the dryer and they slipped down your hips. If it weren't for your butt they would have fell to the floor. Remember that smile that came over your face, remember the feeling of being on top of the world and thinking you will never let them get tight again. Now I know they are not tight, yet! But they fit and they fit good. They don't slip down and you get very nervous to put them on. It's time to make those babies slip off again. And this time lets aim for them to make it all the way to the ground.
You have a reasonable goal in mind. You can achieve it. And don't let people telling you negative thing get to you. They are just jealous. There is no one stopping you but yourself. Don't wait for someone else to give you a push, you need to push yourself.
Now go out there and get it done. I know you can do it.

Frozen Yogurt

Have you heard of Yogurt Land? It's in Jordan Landing. I love it and it's so reasonably priced. .30 cents an ounce. You get a cup, put in desired amount of yogurt of your flavor of choice, then you get to add toppings. Well the first 12 days of December you get 2 oz free. So Jer and I have taken a little advantage of this and been sneaking in a date here and there. We just get the featured flavor and share. I have to tell you the nutterbutter is sooooooo good. We put Reece's pieces on top and it was a perfect choice.

SNOW!!

I know it's Wednesday and I normally blog an old picture but today I just had to blog about our snow. I love the snow. Not as much as Jer-Bear but more then the average joe. And I have always wanted a real good snow storm. The kind that shuts down a city. Well I didn't get a shut down city but I did get a lot of snow.

Here is Jessica and Gloria standing in front of the pile of snow the plows pushed up to the neighbors yard. Now just so you know this is the day after the storm and from the sun shinning all day the snow has packed down. I don't think I am exaggerating much when I say I think the pile is shorter then the night before.

Here is a lovely picture of my car being stuck on in the street. I was trying to get Jess off to school while Jeremy was taking my sister to the airport.

And here is my shed. As you can tell the snow on the roof is touching the snow on the ground. I think the two storms left behind about 2 feet of snow. But had all the snow dumped all at once I am sure it would have been 3 feet of snow all together. There were a few days in between and the snow compacted. I love it. I also hope that every weekend it snows lots more, but only on the weekend please.

Family date

We didn't have a date night due to the fact it was a holiday weekend and my sister Cynthia came to visit. But we did have fun. I saved up my spending money from 2 pay periods to buy myself a game. This game is called Telestrations. It's sorta like pictionary meets telephone. Oh what a hoot it is. And it's even better if you have someone who can't draw well. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.
On Friday I did my annual Black Friday shopping with the sisters. Jessica joined us this year. Although it was hard because I was mainly shopping for her. I think I have her convinced that the sweater Cynthia allegedly bought wasn't for her. And she knows that she is getting boots and she saw Missy buy 2 pairs but I think I might have convinced her they are Cynthia's as well. Oh well. Lets hope she forgets, or at the least ends up loving them when she gets them.
On Sunday in the freezing cold snow storm we went out for frozen yogurt at YogurtLand. I like that place. It's cheaper then Basken Robins and you get to have fun tasting different flavors before making your choice and all the topping choices make your selection seem endless.
We had a great visit with Cynthia and Missy n Jory too. It's funny how we only live a couple of miles away yet never see each other.

Fun day

It's been a week since I blogged. I have been so busy with lots of kids that don't want to nap at the same time, quilting with a dead line, and crocheting a very late baby blanket, hopefully I can stay on task for now on.
I couldn't find any Thanksgiving pictures which is very sad to me. I did have some but I fear I lost them. I wish I could find the pictures of my first Thanksgiving with a digital camera. In awe over the technology to be able to delete what ever picture I didn't like, I let the kids take what ever pictures they wanted. I ended up loving them so much I didn't delete any of them. There were pictures of people from the knees up. Thanksgiving from a 3 year old's point of view. They were priceless. Maybe I will give the camera to my nieces tomorrow.
Well here are some old pictures I found that I really like.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Some first

I am sad that most of Brian's "1st's" are all on 35 mm. where as almost all of Jess' are digital. Sometimes I drag my feet when it comes to advancing with technology. Mostly because I hate change but some because it frustrates me to have to learn new things and change up what I already have. I am still refusing to advance to Blue Ray.

Today is just some random picture I wanted to share. Here is Jess with her first missing tooth. Sad to say I don't really remember the day. I can't remember if we pulled it or what. :( I will have to ask Jessi if she remembers.

Here she is on her first day of kindergarten. I can't believe how little she looks. I was so excited for her. She loved being able to go to school with Bri.

Here is Brian on his first baseball team. He was on this team for 2 years. I miss baseball days. I just wish he had coaches that took the time that was needed to teach him so he could have loved it. I really believe he would have stuck with it but he realized that coaches were full of empty promises. One of his favorite days in baseball was the time his uncle Phil came to see one of his practices and went out on the field to teach him some pointers.

Here he is scoring a point for the team. This isn't his home run, but he did get one of those :) that was exciting. But nothing compared to the excitement of him catching that fly ball in outfield and getting the guy out, and the teams 3rd out. The whole team ran out to him and picked him up and carried him in. I was in tears.

date night

We had a very busy weekend that included 2 birthday parties, girl scout meeting, and Thanksgiving church dinner but we managed to get out just the two of us. It was great! As much as I love children I do need my breaks now and again. Plus dating grows your marriage stronger. We chose to go to a dollar movie. We saw The Switch. It was pretty cute. But word to the wise dollar movies don't mean dollar menus. I was a bit hungry so Jer said he'd splurge and get me a pop corn. I normally get a small which I feel is plenty for two people to share, but because I was hungry when Jer mention "lets get a medium and share" I agreed with out thinking. Then we get to the counter and were about the order and the girl tells us save 50 cents by buy a large. So we did. One large pop corn and one large drink $11.50. Yes you read that correctly $11.50! We didn't stop the think it wasn't 50 cents cheaper then the medium but 50 cents cheaper then it original price. Oh well live and learn right.
We walked the mall afterwards looking for christmas ideas. I love window shopping. I know it's not Jer favorite. So thanks honey for doing that with me.

I also want to take this time to mention my friends son Ryan who has run away. He is 18. Please pray for his safe return. Here is a link to his missing persons ad. Please keep your eye out for him. Thanks.
www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=218&ad=13277050&cat=10&s_cid=S0001
Hope this link works. If not and you are on twitter or facebook I have it posted there too.

a lose is a lose; right?

Other than yesterday I felt this week was fantastic as far as my eating goes. I keep track of the food I ate and stayed on track. Exercise was less then what I wanted but I did get some in. I noticed that I could not reach my toes this week when stretching. YIKES!! Not great. I am pretty flexible, not quite Gumby, but I can still do the splits if I keep stretching. So on the days I couldn't exercise I sat on the floor with the 4 month old I watch and stretch while I played with her. I can reach my toes again ::sigh of relief::
So confession time, yesterday I felt frustrated and I didn't get my normal nap time break. Today I wont either but I know about it in advance. I don't like surprises like that. Plus the older girls I was watching were driving me up the wall. So to take out my frustration I ate Oreo's and milk for my lunch. They were reduced fat and I only ate 5. I guess that rationalization doesn't help any does it? And I made pizza for dinner. Although he pizza wasn't bad how much I ate probably wasn't ideal. I LOVE pizza. It's not a diet friendly food for my. I know better but when planning the menu this weekend I didn't plan on having a bad day. Any way today is better. I am starting off with my healthy oat meal breakfast and I have a plan. I have already started to exercise today.
I have an exercise ball. I have done some squats and used the ball to get my arms involved. I used the ball to do some inclined push ups, and some crunches. But then the kids decided that the movie I put on wasn't interesting anymore so I moved onto dishes while they played. I am getting ready to walk up and down the stairs for about 15 minutes. Hopefully the baby will sleep while I do this.
Ok recipe today is pizza. Homemade pizza is great in the fact you control what goes in it and on it. last night I made the crust it's real simple:
1 pk yeast
1 cup warm water (105)
1/2 tsp salt
2 1/2 to 3 1/2 cups of flour
Mix yeast water and salt for 1 minute. Add 1/2 cup of flour at a time until dough pulls away from wall of bowl and forms a ball. cover let stand 1 hour. punch down cut dough in half to make 2 medium (ish) size pizzas or keep together to make 1 larger. (I used my kitchen aide)
Top how ever you want.
When I don't have time for this I used whole wheat pita bread as the crust. It's very tasty and so low in calories/points.
OH and last but not least I lost .2, not much. I actually weight earlier in the week when I was doing great and I was down .4, so I guess yesterday weighed it's toll on the scale this morning.

Opposites

When it comes to being in the water my kids are as opposite as they come. The first time I ever took Bri into a pool he was about 1 year old, give or take a month. He freaked out like no other! He clawed my neck until it stung and bleed. He tried to crawl on to the top of my head. I laughed but not because I thought it was funny but because I couldn't believe what was happening and I didn't know how to react.
Jeremy's parents have a pool. Bri would have nothing to do with that pool. I had to talk to him and bribe him just to put his feet in the water. The only way he would touch the water was if everyone in the pool went to the other side. It took years to get him to even sit on the steps in the pool.
When we first moved to Utah we lived in an apartment. He wanted to hang out at the pool. Surprisingly he would get in but never let go of the side and never venture far from the steps. So I put the kids in swim lessons. Bri is 9 in these pictures. He does swim now but he'd prefer to not.

Now Jessica on the other hand is my fish. Her first time in the pool was at about 3 months old. And the only reason it took so long was because we had to wait for the pool to warm up. She never minded the pool. At the ripe old age of 1 she was in the pool in a floatation device and flipped it upside down trying to get a ball. I was out of the pool fully clothed and I freaked out and froze! Luckily daddy heard the commotion and ran to the back yard jumped in and flipped her back over. She laughed. Then later that summer she insisted she could swim. I though 'fine I will let her go and show her she can't' so I let go, held my breath so I would know how long she could stay under. When I pulled her out she smiled at me and said "see momma I can swim" I felt defeated. So of course when Bri took swim lessons so did Jess. The main thing they do with 3 year olds is teach them to float and flip over to breath. THANK GOD! The very next time I took her swimming she just went for it. Again I let her stay under thinking she really needs to learn and I am going let her stay under longer. Then she flipped got air and went back to her "swimming" Oh also when we lived in the apartments we had an incident where she was sitting with grandpa who didn't want to swim while the rest of us played. There were lots of people in the pool so the sound of a splash meant nothing to me. Next thing I know my F-I-L is in the pool fully clothed. Jess thought she could reach the noodle that was floating by and missed. He jumped in to get her. She laughed because grandpa went in the pool with clothes on. Yeah she is trouble.

Still to this day Jess is my fish and dreams of being on a swim team. The bad thing is with me doing daycare I make the money to put her through it but don't have the time to take her. All the high schools here have swim teams so maybe then. Bri still would rather not, but he's no longer afraid and will do some water activities.

Date with my daughter

Jer and I didn't get a date this weekend. It was a very busy weekend. But I did get a date on Friday with my daughter. The church Washington Heights was having Christina speak. I heard Christina speak at our women's retreat just a few weeks ago and the spirit of God radiates through every single word and smile from that lady. I so much want to say she is amazing but the fact of the matter is God is so amazing through her. I adore how she can take the worse of worse situations and praise God. I wanted to share that with my daughter. Jess is turning into a teenager by the second and I want to make sure that she never loses sight of God and that she and I have a connection through it all. She too was smitten by Christina. She couldn't believe the things she has gone through in her life and I had to say "Yet God uses all of it for good. And she praises Him for it" During worship I almost could hear my daughters voice singing praises to God. That was so warming to my heart. Almost as if God was trying to whisper to me "she is a teenager and you will have to moments that you want to strangle her but I still have my sights on her." Thank you Lord for loving her more than I do.
I hope that next next weekend I have a date with Jer to share. :)

It's difficult

I have decided to not go back to weight watchers. At least for now. I know how to lose weight. I know what I am doing wrong. I don't need to pay 9 dollars a week to see what I am doing wrong. So I am on my own. I am hoping I get my head in the game and start to recover from my pity party. I can do it. I have done it twice before, once on my own and once with the help of Weight Watchers. I know the real help, the real success comes from God. So here I go.
I will weigh in once a week, every Friday morning. I will never tell you what I weigh but I will tell you my progress. This week I start at a 0, then in the weeks to come I will state my lose for the week and my over all lose. I will tell you what I struggled with during the week. If you have loving suggestions I will gladly listen to them. If you want to join this journey with me I will gladly exchange ideas with you.
I did not cook dinner last night. My sister was sick earlier this week so we switched days to cook for each other. And I just through together stir fry veggies and chicken. Easy and healthy.
This weeks struggle was to squeeze in exercise. I did actually get one day of exercise in. Not enough I know but I have a new plan. Jeremy found a marathon in two years in Washington DC. I have always wanted to vacation in DC. So we are gonna start training. I really don't think I will run the whole marathon but I can see myself doing the 1/2 marathon. We are going to have a mini gym in our garage and start working out together. I look at my crazy busy schedule and it looks like we can work out evening sessions on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Then after FPU is over we can add in Monday. Since we only have 1 of everything we are going to alternate days of cardio and strength.
I ask for your prayers for me during this journal. Thank you