I have been wanting to take a picture in the same outfit I was in on the first photo. I don't look so pregnant anymore :) Still fat though. I am down 6 pounds today WOOHOO!! I have bad days but I try not to let it get me down. I can't wait to get down to my size 10's I have so many clothes I can't wait to wear. My goal it to be able to wear some of those clothes this summer. I am thinking 4 more lbs and I will try them on again and see how it goes.

Down by 4

Here I am at 4 lbs loss. I am starting to tell some changes are going on. One I was afraid of last time but this time I know what it means and I am excited.

Day 5

Here is today's picture; day four of my newest beginning. I have been counting my calories and exercising and I think I am down 2 pounds. I wish I hadn't estimated my weight. But oh well I will just have to deal with it. I don't think I was even a pound off on my estimation. The only complaint I have is it's the end of the pay period and I am very low on healthy foods. The only reason we have healthy foods is because we went to store the other day to pick some up. Might have to take some money out of budget to set aside for and extra trip to store at the 1/2 way point to our next shopping trip. :)

New beginning #1769

This picture was take of me Saturday June 11, 2011. I look pregnant but I am not!!! I hate that I gain all my weight in my belly. I started to think about how the last several months I have been trying and trying to do things to lose weight and yet the pull of the sweets and over indulging keep winning. I just don't know where to go and what to do with this. Yesterday I had this new bright idea to blog my picture and take frequent pictures of myself to up load on to my blog. Just so I can see myself. Maybe when I lose five pounds (again for the millionth time in the last several months) I will see some thing change and it will inspire me since I can't seem to get inspired any other way at the moment. I know I hate how I look and I hate that I have high blood pressure and I hate that I have the cutest clothes in the world that I can't fit into. I can't decided if I will up load a picture everyday or every week we'll see what I do. Knowing me it will be sporadic.

It's a challenge

So I am working hard at being good. Doing some strength exercises every day. I did 2 sets of 10 push ups yesterday. Which is very good for me. A couple of days ago I could only do one set of 6. Last nigh we decided to eat out. Of course the skinny family (which is every one but me) wanted to have Panda. They are not in the ideal calorie range for me. I did good though I opted out of Panda and talked the hubby into stopping at Subway for me. I stayed with in my calorie guideline for the day. :) And even though I stole a bite of chow mien I felt very good about my choices for the day. Here i go again. Wish me luck.

Weight Loss Is An Emotional Roller Coaster

Well the title of this blog pretty much says it all. It's been awhile since I blogged. I haven't forgotten about it but when you do daycare in your home, well that really leaves time for pretty much nothing else. Even exercise and eating right. I often wondered how I gained so much weight running around caring for kids. Well here it is, you don't have time to make a well balanced meal that is filling and fills all of your health needs when you only get a split second to do it. And you think "Oh I will get that healthy meal in during nap time so let me grab a hand full of this to hold me over" HAHA yeah well that hand full of, what ever, is never healthy.
Well this weekend I was given an insight of why I started to go on this weight loss journey to begin with. I keep feeling dizzy. Mostly when I get up out of bed. I can't walk in a straight line and it takes me a minute to gain my grounds. I kept thinking that it was my inner ear again, but then I realized it was different. When it was my inner ear I would fall on the ground before I even realized that I was dizzy. This time it's pretty much I am feeling dizzy as I am getting up. Took me a few weeks to remember that high blood pressure can make you dizzy and that I used to get dizzy when I would stand up from sitting last time I was having blood pressure issues. So I got my B.P. cuff to check things out. My B.P. was high, very high! I was medicated when my B.P. was 130's over 100. This weekend my highest reading was 156/104. Yeah, I was a bit freaked out. I wanted to cry so bad but I kept telling myself "you did this to your self. You knew this was gonna happen."
So I am freaked out enough to start caring. I reread my Letter to Myself. And I am so glad I did. I almost think I should print it, frame it and hang it on the fridge. Today I am going to get back on that tread mill and start walking and work myself up to running again. I should make myself a count down to the D.C. Marine Corp marathon I plan to run in October 2012.
I know i can do this. I am stronger then I give myself credit for. I love the high I get from running. And I want to be back in my skinny clothes this summer.

Letter to myself

I can't find my CD of old picture and my heart is more into my weight today any way.

Dear Self,
Today is a new beginning. You have decided to take this into your own hands and you will succeed. You can do it. You have all the tools, you have all the knowledge. I want to remind you how far you have come......
You are 22 lbs. less then you were 3 years ago, however you are only down 20 lbs. from 2 years ago. Remember how happy the weight loss made you feel, how good your body felt, how much energy you had. Your knees, hips, and ankles didn't hurt. You felt like getting up and doing stuff. You were able to breath easier while doing activities. YOU WERE RUNNING!! Today you long to have all that back. Today your hips, knees and ankles hurt. You are sad every time you look at your self naked in the mirror. You don't want the stress of worrying about if the high blood pressure will come back, you hate that your mind wants to get stuff done but you don't have the energy. You remember being less cranky and irritable when you were lighter. Lets work hard to get that back.
Today you are doing great. I am very proud of you. You have been tracking and measuring your food intake. I know you can keep it up. It's not as hard as it seems. When you track you realize it's pretty easy and you actually get full on smaller amounts of food. Try to remember this and hold on to it. You know your Levi's? I want to remind you of the day you put them on straight from the dryer and they slipped down your hips. If it weren't for your butt they would have fell to the floor. Remember that smile that came over your face, remember the feeling of being on top of the world and thinking you will never let them get tight again. Now I know they are not tight, yet! But they fit and they fit good. They don't slip down and you get very nervous to put them on. It's time to make those babies slip off again. And this time lets aim for them to make it all the way to the ground.
You have a reasonable goal in mind. You can achieve it. And don't let people telling you negative thing get to you. They are just jealous. There is no one stopping you but yourself. Don't wait for someone else to give you a push, you need to push yourself.
Now go out there and get it done. I know you can do it.