Hope this works

I had given up dieting. Working at losing with out actually losing was just too much to ask of me. My muscles hurt and were weak. There was just too much going on with out any answers. Lots of my symptoms pointed to hypothyroidism but the blood work didn't agree. So I threw in the white towel and gave up. Then one P.A. asked questions during a check up. She checked my thyroid one more time. I didn't hold my breath, I knew it was going to be normal,  because it's always normal. Then the phone call came, "your thyroid levels are too low please come in for another visit." It turns out that I have Hashimoto's Disease. Which is an autoimmune disease that attacks my thyroid gland. I am not surprised I have autoimmune disease, considering both of my sisters and 2 of my cousins have autoimmune disease. One thing the thyroid controls is metabolism. Go figure!!  So I have been medicated for 7 weeks now. I am going to start counting calories again, hoping and praying that this time I am able to lose. My muscles feel stronger and I have more energy. I feel like it's going to take some weight loss before I can feel normal. I can't help but feel nervous and scared that nothing will happen. But I wont know unless I give it a good honest shot.
I know calories in and calories out is the only way to be successful in the weight loss journey. And that is my plan.  But I also want to try one more thing and that is I want to try to get back to the basics in food. No prepared or possessed foods. All home made fresh ingredients.  I am someone who needs short term realistic goals. So for 7 days I am going to focus on preparing my meals and not hitting the drive through or having a quick fix dinner.
Breakfast and lunch are not usually an issue for me but dinner is. Mostly because I am so exhausted by the end of the day I just can't focus and move.  But like I said I have more energy and making dinner isn't as much of a chore any more.
Tonight dinner is salsa chicken! I haven't had salsa chicken in so long I am looking forward to it.
Wish me luck!!

My muscle woos

It's very difficult to lose weight right now. I am still going to keep plugging along. I wont give up on the battle against the bulge. But life has thrown me a curve ball. Lately I have been dealing with muscle issues. It's difficult to complain about mostly because to most it seems like diet and exercise would be the answer to this issue. But if only you could feel what I feel you would understand, this isn't normal and it's not an "out of shape" thing going on. It's different. I have been out of shape for a while. I know what sore muscles feel like after a work out. This is different. I always need more sleep. This is different. I don't know exactly how to explain it.
I went to the gym on Monday. I need to figure out ways to get me out of the house and to work on my weight. Gym seems like the easy solution to both (if I can find the time! time is a serious issue in my life) So I went. I decided when I got there to take it easy since my muscles were feeling weak and I was having the needles stabbing sensation. I just did simple step ups for cardio and used the lowest weight on machines, even when it felt too easy.  I was unable to do 20 reps in 1 minute of any machine and half way through the step ups I started to feel dizzy, overly sleepy, and weak. By the time I was ending my last step up session I was so fatigued my entire body was visibly shaking from the work out. I could hardly get my legs to preform the action I was demanding of them and my vision seemed to get hazy.  Last was the sit ups. I pretty much faked them and used the time to re coup from the 29 minute work out.
Now, like I said, I have been out of shape for a while. I know what sore muscles and fatigue form it feels like. And this my friends is different. I have weighed 20-25 lb heavier then I am now. I have felt a very sharp pain in my knees from walking as a result of how fat I was. I couldn't breath when I bent over. I would lose my breath just walking up the stairs. And yet when I decided to battle the bulge then I felt empowered after a work out. I felt strong and energized. I felt like I could concur this. I felt sore. But not like I do now. Now it's scary. I feel like my body is shutting down and wants to quit. I feel like there is no way I will make it home because I cannot get my body to do what I am commanding it to do. Almost like there is some lost communication going on. I imagine that the contestants on the biggest loser may be able to somewhat feel what I do after their very first work out with Jillian Michaels. After she pushes their bodies beyond what they thought was humanly possible. But don't forget I used the smallest amount of weights and did the simplest work out and only did it for 29 minutes. And I don't think I am quit near as over weight as some of those guys.
I am praying the God will give me strength to keep going. And the desire to keep eating healthy. And give the doctors wisdom to figure out what is going on. And that I can someday feel happy in my skin.

Dieting dilemma

So I went 5 weeks straight eating around 1200 calories a day. The first week I lost 4 pound and felt so encouraged. Then next week I gain a pound, don't know how or why. After that I continued to gain a pound a week until I found all 4 pounds I had lost. The frustration and caused me to back slide and give up counting. Yet not counting my calories and not exercising I haven't gained anymore then the 4 pounds I had lost and refound. It is so frustrating and I just don't think there is anyone out there who can fully understand what this is like for me. I watch all my skinny family members eat what ever they want and not or have health issues. Yet I smell what they eat and I gain and/or my BP goes up.  This really sucks. I blame myself. I think I am doing something wrong subconsciously.
Today I started the day off eating the wrong stuff. I ate pancakes and had 2 cups of coffee. I like to limit my coffee to 1 cup due to the 50 calories I like to add to it. I really wish I enjoyed black coffee.  But to make up  for my eating failures I did some stretches and a small arm work out. I need to exercise. My BP was high at my dr. appointment this week. But I am having fatigue issues and so my work outs need to be short and not to strenuous.
Here's to hoping.

I have been wanting to take a picture in the same outfit I was in on the first photo. I don't look so pregnant anymore :) Still fat though. I am down 6 pounds today WOOHOO!! I have bad days but I try not to let it get me down. I can't wait to get down to my size 10's I have so many clothes I can't wait to wear. My goal it to be able to wear some of those clothes this summer. I am thinking 4 more lbs and I will try them on again and see how it goes.

Down by 4

Here I am at 4 lbs loss. I am starting to tell some changes are going on. One I was afraid of last time but this time I know what it means and I am excited.

Day 5

Here is today's picture; day four of my newest beginning. I have been counting my calories and exercising and I think I am down 2 pounds. I wish I hadn't estimated my weight. But oh well I will just have to deal with it. I don't think I was even a pound off on my estimation. The only complaint I have is it's the end of the pay period and I am very low on healthy foods. The only reason we have healthy foods is because we went to store the other day to pick some up. Might have to take some money out of budget to set aside for and extra trip to store at the 1/2 way point to our next shopping trip. :)

New beginning #1769

This picture was take of me Saturday June 11, 2011. I look pregnant but I am not!!! I hate that I gain all my weight in my belly. I started to think about how the last several months I have been trying and trying to do things to lose weight and yet the pull of the sweets and over indulging keep winning. I just don't know where to go and what to do with this. Yesterday I had this new bright idea to blog my picture and take frequent pictures of myself to up load on to my blog. Just so I can see myself. Maybe when I lose five pounds (again for the millionth time in the last several months) I will see some thing change and it will inspire me since I can't seem to get inspired any other way at the moment. I know I hate how I look and I hate that I have high blood pressure and I hate that I have the cutest clothes in the world that I can't fit into. I can't decided if I will up load a picture everyday or every week we'll see what I do. Knowing me it will be sporadic.