My muscle woos

It's very difficult to lose weight right now. I am still going to keep plugging along. I wont give up on the battle against the bulge. But life has thrown me a curve ball. Lately I have been dealing with muscle issues. It's difficult to complain about mostly because to most it seems like diet and exercise would be the answer to this issue. But if only you could feel what I feel you would understand, this isn't normal and it's not an "out of shape" thing going on. It's different. I have been out of shape for a while. I know what sore muscles feel like after a work out. This is different. I always need more sleep. This is different. I don't know exactly how to explain it.
I went to the gym on Monday. I need to figure out ways to get me out of the house and to work on my weight. Gym seems like the easy solution to both (if I can find the time! time is a serious issue in my life) So I went. I decided when I got there to take it easy since my muscles were feeling weak and I was having the needles stabbing sensation. I just did simple step ups for cardio and used the lowest weight on machines, even when it felt too easy.  I was unable to do 20 reps in 1 minute of any machine and half way through the step ups I started to feel dizzy, overly sleepy, and weak. By the time I was ending my last step up session I was so fatigued my entire body was visibly shaking from the work out. I could hardly get my legs to preform the action I was demanding of them and my vision seemed to get hazy.  Last was the sit ups. I pretty much faked them and used the time to re coup from the 29 minute work out.
Now, like I said, I have been out of shape for a while. I know what sore muscles and fatigue form it feels like. And this my friends is different. I have weighed 20-25 lb heavier then I am now. I have felt a very sharp pain in my knees from walking as a result of how fat I was. I couldn't breath when I bent over. I would lose my breath just walking up the stairs. And yet when I decided to battle the bulge then I felt empowered after a work out. I felt strong and energized. I felt like I could concur this. I felt sore. But not like I do now. Now it's scary. I feel like my body is shutting down and wants to quit. I feel like there is no way I will make it home because I cannot get my body to do what I am commanding it to do. Almost like there is some lost communication going on. I imagine that the contestants on the biggest loser may be able to somewhat feel what I do after their very first work out with Jillian Michaels. After she pushes their bodies beyond what they thought was humanly possible. But don't forget I used the smallest amount of weights and did the simplest work out and only did it for 29 minutes. And I don't think I am quit near as over weight as some of those guys.
I am praying the God will give me strength to keep going. And the desire to keep eating healthy. And give the doctors wisdom to figure out what is going on. And that I can someday feel happy in my skin.

Dieting dilemma

So I went 5 weeks straight eating around 1200 calories a day. The first week I lost 4 pound and felt so encouraged. Then next week I gain a pound, don't know how or why. After that I continued to gain a pound a week until I found all 4 pounds I had lost. The frustration and caused me to back slide and give up counting. Yet not counting my calories and not exercising I haven't gained anymore then the 4 pounds I had lost and refound. It is so frustrating and I just don't think there is anyone out there who can fully understand what this is like for me. I watch all my skinny family members eat what ever they want and not or have health issues. Yet I smell what they eat and I gain and/or my BP goes up.  This really sucks. I blame myself. I think I am doing something wrong subconsciously.
Today I started the day off eating the wrong stuff. I ate pancakes and had 2 cups of coffee. I like to limit my coffee to 1 cup due to the 50 calories I like to add to it. I really wish I enjoyed black coffee.  But to make up  for my eating failures I did some stretches and a small arm work out. I need to exercise. My BP was high at my dr. appointment this week. But I am having fatigue issues and so my work outs need to be short and not to strenuous.
Here's to hoping.